I can see a light.

Hidden Heart

Recovery is a confusing process, because you don't know what it's supposed to feel like. Anxiety is when you overanalyze every single thought and emotion and assume the worst. Those assumptions, as irrational as they may be, produce fear, and that fear feeds off of itself until you panic. Panic induces a flood of adrenaline and gives you a very tangible feeling of impending doom. It is literally the worst experience I could ever imagine, but it's important to remember that it's harmless and just a feeling. It feels exactly the same every time and recognizing this is what gets you through it. Your body, in response to this false state of emergency, distances "you" from the situation so that it can handle whatever life-threatening dangers it perceives as present. It processes information incorrectly and goes into fight or flight mode when it doesn't need to. Once this happens, it confuses you until you understand it. You feel like you're watching yourself or that you're in a dream. Most of the time I felt like I was vanishing. That's the best way I can describe it. I felt like I was disappearing into thin air. This takes a long time to recover from, because it's the result of a chemical imbalance maintained by fear and anxiety. You must overcome anxiety before you feel whole again.

I am still hopeful, but I am lonely. I want to let someone in. I wish there was someone in my life who could show me where my heart is hidden.