Could This Be

"You are a better person than him, and I have faith that you won't hurt me, and hopefully I won't hurt you."

I still get very sad when I think about Pig. I still feel guilty for leaving. I still miss him so fucking much. He knew how to be happy. I still don't. He had so much more to give. Why did he have to go? The doctors didn't even know what was wrong with him. What makes me think I could have saved him? They say he was depressed, that he was giving in. I can't bear that thought. If Pig couldn't fight it, I can't either. I still hate myself.

Liza

Sitting in her toy bin, surrounded by a new family and warmth and kindness. She stares at the wall, but her head is high and proud and confused. Cold cement and those goddamn bars. She went blind behind those bars. She will never see anything else again. She will never forget the horror of cold steel in her uterus.

Untitled Prose 9

Warm breath crests over my neck while dead fingers dig under your shoulder blade as if to rip the bones from your body. I just want a piece of you when I wake up.

An Atheist On A Date

by Jesse Feinman

I'm just confused. Everything's confusing. Everything beautiful is far away, or maybe everything far away is beautiful. It's like how the grass is greener on the other side. Grass just looks nicer from the other side, you know? Grass where you're standing looks like dirt with green hair.

from Lost at Sea by Bryan Lee O'Malley

And we'll greet the dawn in its morning blues

With purple yarn, you'll be sleeping soon

And I want to walk around with you

from Summertime Clothes by Animal Collective

Chores

If I died and stood face to face with God, the first question I'd ask is, "Do humans have free will?" No matter his answer, my second act would be a parting middle finger.

I wish I was on the beach with my family instead of bent over texts in dim, midnight lighting. Is this how it's going to be? I don't know if I want this.

Even though my dog can't stand, she's taller than the rest.

It doesn't matter how much I hide myself, because I still have these shitty tattoos. Maybe if I was a man of significance I wouldn't be afraid. But I'm not, and the creeping ink strangles me in my sleep. The past is permanent.

Ocean Burn

"Today..." he scratched at his neck and cleared his throat. "Today I am reminded of love." The audience was smiling. "Of companions, adventures, warm relationships. I'm looking at you all, all your happy faces. I'm looking at my best friend, next to his beloved." He paused and closed his eyes. The ocean's behind me. I can smell it. "But I'm not thinking of any of that, any of you. I'm not thinking of college or camping or vacations in Canada. I'm thinking of my dog."

One of the groomsmen immediately approached the pulpit. "Hey, Barry, why don't you come on down?" Barry ignored him.

"She didn't want much, and she had no self-pity. She found joy in her frustration. I'm looking at all you well-dressed people, your earrings and leather shoes. She couldn't fucking walk, yet all she wanted was someone to love. You're all healthy and pampered with your trinkets and yachts, your Cadillacs and cocktail parties. You have it all, and what do you want? More money. More sex. More toys. More fucking movies to watch. Well I just want my dog back."

Gnar Dream

Infinity Shred's (formerly Starscream) first release. 

5:43 AM

There's no sleep for my lonely face tonight, back hunched in the glory of my radiant screen. The light is white, seemingly pure, but I imagine it's a stale yellow on my skin, dirty like the brown soot of a smoker's wall. My palms itch from my stubbly chin, and my elbows ache from holding it up. I don't know what keeps me awake, but I like to think it's something insatiable. More likely it's a sad cry for help, but still, it could be something special.

My Damage

I can see myself many years from now on a shortcut 'cross campus. I can feel the rain and the warm mist emanate from the trees. I can hear the water splash all around. I can taste the sweet condolence wasting on my lips. And just at the edge of the clearing, where beauty meets progress, I can see past the black drapes and frame into an eye I've always longed for, an iris full of angst. The meaning of her clothes and thoughts juxtaposed to the contrast of her face and hair; life's grand struggle, that of good and evil, is laid out on her bed when she succumbs to the night. If I could just be there... if I could fall beside her and wither. That's all I want.

To Look Death in the Eye

This man never fails to tear me away from my misanthropic self.

"I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides."

-Carl Sagan, Billions and Billions p. 215

There are so many beautiful people that deserve good lives but are trapped suffering in genetic mishaps. It pushes my heart to its limits to see them desperate and hurting and wishing more than fucking anything that things were different. I wish God was real just so there'd be someone to blame.

Rushing Green and the Dripping Blue

I remember what I said, confused short-stander. Now you're uplifted, held in the hands of your two favorite men. Savor it. This crisp time of joy won't last. They will let you down. You'll find them out, and they'll let you fall.

But I'm here at the bottom of things. I'm waiting for you.

I mistook myself for his friend.

Terra Firma

Terra Firma by The Flashbulb

when you fall
the earth creates a nest
where you can safely rest your head
when you call
the birds will cease to sing
so your voice can be heard instead
when you cry
the clouds part from the sun
and flowers blossom from the trees
when you're cold
fire burns the earth
and everyone gets burned like me